Pitch Dark Bastard
Who hurt this chocolate? Probably you — but it doesn't care.
With its deep, dark intensity, “Pitch Dark Bastard” is 80% cocoa and 100% not here to coddle your palate. It’s bitter, bold, and built for the brave.
This isn’t your average sweet treat. It’s the villain in every rom-com, the ex your friends warned you about, and the midnight craving that won’t go away. If you like your chocolate like your humor — dry, dark, and a little dangerous — you’ve found your match.
Rich in antioxidants and richer in attitude, this dark chocolate ball is a punch to the tastebuds with a smug little smirk. Don’t expect hugs — expect obsession.
| Type | Ball |
Allergy Disclosure
Alright, listen up — because this is the part where we temporarily retire the jokes and get real with you. Not forever. Just for a minute. Maybe two.
Our balls are made with love, crafted with premium ingredients, and produced in a facility that is, shall we say, enthusiastically inclusive when it comes to allergens. Which means if you've got a complicated relationship with any of the following, we need you to pay attention:
Our products may contain or come into contact with:
🥛 Milk and dairy
🌾 Wheat and gluten
🥚 Eggs
🌰 Tree nuts
🥜 Peanuts
🫘 Soy
And other assorted ingredients that your immune system may have opinions about
Manufactured in a facility that processes all of the above. Cross-contact is possible. Cross-contact does not care about your plans for the evening.
Now here's where we get serious — and we mean it:
Food allergies are not a bit. They are not part of the brand. They are a genuine, potentially life-altering thing and we refuse to be cute about them. If you have a known food allergy or sensitivity, please contact us before ordering so we can give you the full ingredient breakdown for any product in our shop. We would rather answer a thousand questions than have one customer end up in the ER over a chocolate ball.
No dessert — no matter how indulgent, how gorgeous, or how outrageously named — is worth your health. Not even ours.
Already ordered and feeling off? Stop eating immediately, seek medical attention if needed, and then contact us. In that order. Please.
For ingredient lists, allergen specifics, or any questions about what's actually inside our balls — reach out. We're an open book. An inappropriate, unapologetically cheeky open book, but an open book nonetheless.
Eat boldly. But eat safely. We need you alive and coming back for more.
